Sleep for Toddlers

Sleep for Toddlers

            One of the most important health topics I have wanted to cover is sleep for toddlers.  It can make or break your household.  Every child’s sleeping patterns are different, and at this age some children begin to experience nightmares.  Others may be refusing their naps.  My best advice is to keep consistent and put a routine in place.

            Between ages one and three, children could sleep roughly around one to three hours less than they were as infants, according to webmd.  This could mean that your child may not want to take naps anymore because they are getting adequate sleep overnight.  As long as your child gets the recommended 12 to 14 hours of sleep per day, don’t stress naptime.  My daughter, Julia, has decided that she will only take one when she wants to.  When I allowed her to skip naps altogether, she is a grump all evening.  We have come to the conclusion that taking a time to rest during what used to be nap time helps her to be a little more cheerful.  I usually have her lay in her bed with a book or let her sing along with some music.  Our rule is that she must keep her head on the pillow and stay under the covers.  If she has been exceptionally well-behaved that day, I allow her to lie on the couch and watch TV.  She only skips her naps about once per week, but I am sure that this is the calm before the storm.

This is what happens around
dinnertime when Julia skips her naps

            It is extremely hard to get sleep for toddlers experiencing night terrors.  Julia began having nightmares around the time that we moved to our new house.  She was about 21-months-old.  Her pediatrician explained to me that she is at an age where many children develop nightmares for no particular reason at all, so it is hard to tell if the move was the cause of this or not.  There were a lot of changes: she went from sharing a bedroom with me at my parent’s house to having her own room, we moved to a completely different house, we no longer lived with my parents or younger sister, and my fiancé had moved in with us.  To help her cope with her nightmares, my fiancé, Patrick, sat down with Julia before bedtime one day and assured her that he would never let anything hurt her.  If she was afraid, all she had to do was yell for him, and he would come and sit with her until she felt better.  We also made sure there were no toys in the middle of the floor or anything that would cast strange shadows before bedtime every evening.  I think what helped her overcome her fears the most was her growing bond with Patrick.  They are like two peas in a pod.

Julia drifting off to sleep with her kitty, "Raven"
You can see the lip balm glaring on her lips

            Some parents report difficulty getting their child to fall asleep.  The only times I have ever encountered this is when we stray from our normal routine.  A normal routine allows the child to predict the coming events and know what is expected of them.  Follow through with your routine consistently.  Every night we put away the toys together and get ready for bed (Julia brushes her teeth, goes potty, takes a bubble bath, gets on her pajamas, and has her hair dried).  After that she goes out with Patrick, and they take their vitamins together.  Then she clambers up into her bed for a story or two.  After I read to her, I always sing her a lullaby.  It doesn’t have to sound great or be an elaborate song.  Your child will be happy to hear the ABC’s.  Singing makes children this age happy, and them being in a good mood is your prerogative.  I have sung James Taylor’s “Close Your Eyes” almost every night since moving to our new house.  Julia has even learnt it from hearing it so many times and often sings along.  After that Julia gets a nighttime lip balm, we exchange hugs and kisses, I turn on her nightlight and music, and we wish each other good night.  My daughter is OCD like me, and she will never let you forget it if anything is done out of order EVER.  She goes to bed in a good mood without any fussing as long as the equation is correct.

            If you’re having some difficulties getting your child to go to bed, ask yourself these questions.  “Is my toddler getting enough sleep?  Has something in their environment changed?  How can I make them trust that they are safe at night when they have had a nightmare?  Does my child have a set routine?”  When putting your child to sleep, tell them about what is planned for the next day.  Just try to make bedtime fun, and good luck with getting sleep for toddlers under control in your home.

Daily Routines for Children

Always take time to stop and smell the roses
during daily routines for children

            I cannot express enough how well it will help you to have daily routines for children of all ages.  When your kids know what to expect, they are more likely to cooperate with you.  This means less time wasted on arguing, and more time getting things accomplished.  This is not to say that you cannot deviate from the schedule for special events or if someone is sick.  You will find that your child may even listen better to you when doing things that are out of the norm if you are following a schedule on a regular basis. 

            A schedule for your child or children must be arranged carefully to consider some important factors.  The most important of these is to remember what your child likes to do.  If your kiddo enjoys quiet play like reading and puzzles, you probably do not want to comprise the whole day with vigorous activities.  The exact opposite is to be said about a child that wants to run all day long and hates to sit down.  My point being, you want to include exercise for your bookworm and calming activities for your little athlete, but you do not want to overload them with activities that they won’t enjoy.

Daily Routines for Children

9:00 – 10:00 AM: Breakfast, TV time, and brush teeth

10:00 – 10:30 AM: Dancercise

10:30 – 11:30 AM: Coloring, puzzles, flashcards, and story time

11:30 – 12:00 PM: Playing with toys while Mommy fixes lunch

12:00 – 12:30 PM: Lunch

12:30 – 2:00 PM: Naptime

2:00 – 3:00 PM: Outside playtime if weather permits

3:00 – 4:00 PM: Crafts

4:00 – 5:00 PM: Playing with toys while Mommy fixes dinner

5:00 – 5:30 PM: Dinnertime

5:30 – 6:00 PM: Play a game

6:00 – 6:30 PM: Learning (numbers, shapes, colors, and letters)

6:30 – 7:00 PM: Clean up and TV time

7:00 – 7:30 PM: Bath and brush teeth

7:30 – 8:00 PM: Read a story, sing a song, and lights out

Julia taking time for self-play 

            When preparing a schedule, you have to include time for individual play and constructive play, meaning they need time to play by themselves and time to play alongside you.  Make sure there are both calming activities and exciting physical activities.  Give your child a chance to develop their motor skills with coloring and crafts.  Help them to learn their ABC’s and numbers by singing songs or using flash cards or magnets.  Develop their listening skills by playing games such as Simon says, or Mother May I.  You can copy one from the internet or write up your own.  The most important thing to remember when preparing routines for children of your own is to let your child be a kid.

What is Shared Parenting

What is Shared Parenting

            What is shared parenting, you ask?  When a couple with children divorce or separate, custody is traditionally given to one parent or the other.  Some states have turned to a “shared parenting” model, where both parents are given equal rights to major decisions in the child’s life, such as schooling, religion, health, and extracurricular activities.  In West Virginia, where I live, the standard is fifty-fifty custody, unless one parent is deemed unfit for caring for the child or the parents mutually decide otherwise.  Fifty-fifty custody is where the allocated time is split completely even down the middle.  Schedules can vary, but most are in a model where one parent has the child two nights consecutively, followed by two nights with the opposite parent.  Then there is a switch of five consecutive nights each.  The way this schedule is usually run, it guarantees that both parents have two weekends each per month.

            In this arrangement, both parents have equal say about virtually everything.  They have equal responsibility in caring for the child in every aspect.  Therefore, if you feel like you are doing all the work, you may consider asking your attorney about a different parenting plan.  Shared parenting also allows for shared financial responsibility.  Often one parent will solely provide medical insurance, but both parents are responsible evenly for co pays and deductibles.  This means that if the child needs braces, both parents must decide that this is the right decision for the child before going through with the procedure.  Then, they are equally responsible for paying for this.

shared parenting can sometimes be
frustrating, but hang in there

            Exactly what is shared parenting all about?  Shared parenting gives the child more opportunity to still have a traditional family in that both parents are collaborating to make choices that the child will follow, even though the parents are not living together.  Here are some examples of how this works.  Say the father of your son decides that he wants the child to play football, but you think that it is too dangerous of a sport.  You can bring up these concerns and suggest alternative sports to make a decision together.  If you cannot come to a conclusion, most court orders state that you will have to go to a mediation session.  If nothing is agreed upon at this session, you will then have to go back to court.  Following this method, many courts have seen a drop in such small cases, leaving more availability in court schedules for larger matters.

            The downside in shared custody is that many parents cannot afford to continue going to court for every little disagreement.  Depending on your situation, this can also cause many heated arguments.  Your best bet if this circumstance arises is to seek counseling.  Step back from the situation, and try not to let things escalate – especially in front of the child/children.  Ask your ex if they would be willing to sit down and share their feelings while considering yours.  Sometimes you may find that you were actually the one being inconsiderate of your ex.  Learning to live in a shared parenting situation is not always easy, but with time things will get better.  Hopefully, you will no longer be asking, “What is shared parenting,” and be able to decide if this is the right option for your family.

Single Mom Dating

            It is extremely hard being a single mom dating in this crazy world where being divorced or separated with children is still becoming more socially accepted.  My journey to marriage with a new man while raising my daughter was no easy feat.  There were many things to consider, like her age and how much she would remember, not letting compromising information leak out to her father, and finding someone who was not just right for myself but for both of us. 

            When I decided to begin dating again, I was faced with one of the biggest decisions: Do I allow my child to meet the person I am seeing?  My answer was yes.  I only dated men that were interested in commitment, and so these were not short flings.  Julia was  at an age where she did not understand “dating”.  She did understand what a friend was, and so that was what I always told her.  “Mommy is going out with her friend today.”  Also, it was a good way for me to see how the person would interact with my daughter.  On one date that I went on, I had my date pick me up at my house, so that the two of them could meet briefly.  He approached her too quickly, trying to shake her hand.  She was only one at the time, and had no idea what to do except get away from the stranger trying to hold her hand.  Needless to say, that was the only date I went on with him. 

Single Mom Dating

Julia's trip to the ER

When my fiancé, Patrick, first met her, we were supposed to have our first dinner date with Julia tagging along.  Unfortunately, Julia was running a fever and was very fussy.  Patrick put her in his lap and read to her.  They were warming up to each other quickly.  Later that night, we ended up going to the ER because Julia’s fever had spiked and would not go back down no matter what I did.  Patrick came right along with us and sat through hours of x-rays, IVs, and four failed attempts to draw blood.  Julia had drunk a good bit of the pedialyte that the nurses gave her and fall asleep.  I tried to have Patrick hold her, while I snuck out of the room for a bathroom break, but she woke up while we were transferring into Patrick’s lap.  I assured him I would be right back and sprinted for the bathroom.  I could hear Julia screaming all the way down the hall, so I rushed back to find Patrick covered in vomit.  He rinsed his shirt out in the sink and stayed with us.  After that night, I thought I would never see him again, but he never missed a beat.  We are getting married at the end of the summer.  Needless to say, seeing how a man will react with your child is important in my book.  It will test them to see if they are good father material.

There are many other challenges when a single mom dating has to deal with the other parent.  In my situation, there are a lot of custodial exchanges.  It was hard to plan dates around the times of pickups.  Julia’s father tries not to be obvious, but he is very nosy when it comes to who I am with.  The father of your child has every right to be curious about anyone that is around your children on a frequent basis, and rightfully so.  The first time I brought Patrick along for an exchange, I introduced them politely.  Julia’s father asked if he knew “so and so”, which to my surprise, he did.  Things like this can come up when you least expect it.

If there are things you would not want the other parent to know, then keep it hidden.  Do not go carelessly posting on your social networks that you are leaving the child with a babysitter so you can go out drinking with your new beau.  You have to keep your dating life professional looking from the outside at all times.  Do not date someone with a criminal past, unless they have gone about the correct means to right their behavior.  This will most likely be brought up in future court cases if the relationship may affect the child, so proceed with caution.

The most important thing to remember when you begin dating again, is that you are not just looking for someone for yourself.  You are now looking for someone that will be right for all of your children as well.  It may take time to find this special person, but when you do, the wait will be all worth it.  You will no longer be a single mom dating, but you will be a family.

Mini-me trying to copycat

Storm Preparations with Toddlers

Storm Preparations with Toddlers

            This article covers great tip on storm preparations with toddlers.  A lot of your friends might tell you to just pick up the necessities, like milk and bread, but what if you have a younger child that is a little bit picky with what they eat?  What about things to keep them occupied if the power goes out?  How about what you may need in case you cannot get out of your house for a few days?  I’m going to give you all of my best advice on all of these great questions.

            The most popular question for storm preparations with toddlers is, “what food should I buy?”  Yes, you are going to want to have all of the normal items, such as milk, eggs, bread, and all other normal staples.  Toddlers are at an age where they need to be receiving something from every food group, so it is important that you keep this in mind when shopping.  My best advice to anyone is making sure you have peanut butter and jelly.  This will give a child protein, and you can get a serving of fruit in if the jelly is made mostly from real fruit.  Another great way to give your child protein is by hard-boiling eggs before the storm hits.  In cooler temperatures (which sadly, your house will probably be without heat) hard-boiled eggs last for a while without spoiling.  Check the eggs for any foul odors before serving.  You can mash them up with some mayo to make egg salad for sandwiches, make deviled-eggs, or just serve them plain.  Another great thing to have is fruit that is not refrigerated (like apples, bananas, and oranges) and raw vegetables (like carrots and celery).  The fruit can be eaten alone, added to cereal, or put banana slices on a peanut butter sandwich.  Serve the veggies with some dip for a crunchy snack.  Cereal is also a good thing to have on hand.  Poptarts and other junk foods like chips can be offered as well.  They might not be the best thing for your kiddos to eat, but it is better than eating nothing at all.

My two goofballs

Julia and her snowman

             The next question I get asked a lot is how I keep my toddler happy when there is no TV to watch.  First off, my daughter only watches about an hour total of TV every day, so not having the TV is nothing new to her.  Most of your toddler’s toys should not depend on electricity to function, so this should be a no-brainer.  Have you tried playing any board games with your toddler yet?  I’ve found that Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders are great games that will not only keep them from climbing the walls, but also teach those colors and numbers.  My daughter actually enjoys using flash cards.  We have simple ones from the dollar department store that have basic words for her to repeat, numbers, shapes, and colors.  Puzzles can be a great boredom fighter.  Try playing with playdough.  This is going to help your child learn some hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills.  If all else fails, try a craft or coloring.  When the storm is over, go play outside if you can.  

Julia relaxing in her snow chair

            The next thing you should think about is the worst-case scenario.  A lot of my friends with little ones are going through the flu right now.  I feel so awful for them, and it reminds me that we have to be prepared for illnesses and accidents.  Make sure you are stocked up on medications and bandages.  Extra blankets are a good thing too, not only for warmth, but also in case some get dirty from sickness.  You won’t be able to run your washer and dryer or wash dishes if there is no power.  That’s right, I said it.  Do your laundry and dishes while you can.  If you do have anyone sick in your household, and you are lucky enough to have more than one bathroom, designate one bathroom for being sick in if this can be controlled.  Get baby wipes, even if your child no longer needs them.  These can be great for cleaning things like dishes and your child’s face after a meal if you have no water.  Make sure you have extra batteries for all of those toys.

            If you have an emergency, always call 9-1-1.  If you can get out of the house and are in need of warmth, call your local health department for listings of shelters.  These are typically located at schools with large generators.  Since you may be stuck at home for a while, it could be a great time to potty train your little ones.  Check out my blog on Early Potty Training for helpful advice.  Best tip I can give to anyone worried about storm preparations with toddlers is to relax.  It’s not the end of the world.  You will be okay.

Caring for Asian Baby Hair

Caring for Asian baby hair

            I was recently approached by a Caucasian mother with an Oriental child while grocery shopping.  She asked me how she should be caring for Asian baby hair.  Her daughter looked to be just slightly younger than my daughter, but her hair was at different lengths in different places.  Quite frankly, it looked like she had gotten into a fight with a lawnmower, and the lawn mower won.  The woman went on to explain that they had adopted the baby from Japan a few months prior.  Her hair was beautiful when she first came home, but quickly turned into a disaster.  I believe she assumed that Julia is adopted as well, but I didn’t bother with correcting her as she probably wouldn’t be able to hear me over herself gushing about Julia’s pretty pig tails.

Julia's pretty pig tails

            I began the explanation of why Asian hair is different from what most Americans are accustomed to.  Each strand of hair has layers of cuticles.  Caucasians have usually around five layers, while Asians typically have closer to ten layers.  The cuticles on Asian hair are also different in that the cells are closer together and lay more flatly.  This means that when the hair is handled roughly, the cuticles that break off keep their shape rather than splitting at the ends.  When cared for correctly, the hair is usually the strongest out of almost all ethnicities.

            The most important thing that I can explain to anyone caring for Asian baby hair is shampoo very scarcely.  The most common rule for Caucasian hair is to shampoo every other day and condition every day.  With Asian hair, shampoo will dry out the hair shafts very quickly.  This is why it is important to only shampoo as necessary, often only once per week.  The next most important thing is types of conditioner and the application of conditioners.  You will want to choose a conditioner that provides a lot of moisturizing qualities.  Since there are so many layers of cuticles to pass through before reaching the core, you need a moisturizer that penetrates deeply.  Also, you only want to condition the ends of the hair, because conditioning the roots will make hair heavier which will consequently make it lay flatter and possess less volume.

Julia's typical up-do 

            When styling the hair, it may take a long time to find a method that will work well.  Since the hair is so smooth and straight, clips and barrettes usually slide right out.  Rubber bands will hold better but can tangle in the hair, making them hard to remove without losing a few strands of hair or having to cut them out.  My best advice is using a comb to get the style the way you want and then secure with a fabric type of band that is not going to damage the hair.  Using gel or hairspray will help hold everything in place, but you do not want to use these products near the hairline, as this is the most delicate of all the hair.  Do not pull tightly to avoid further breakage.  If you’re looking for style ideas try browsing through baby styles on babesinhairland. 

            To anyone adopting children of a different nationality, you will find challenges in topics such as this.  Do your research or ask the woman at the grocery store.  It took me a long time to discover what worked and what did not, but I hope that I have helped with the information on how you should be caring for Asian baby hair.

Pooh Pooh's Vacation: Using a Lovey

Kissing Pooh Pooh

                The day after Julia was born, her father brought his older two children to the hospital to meet her.  They came bearing gifts of desperately-needed preemie-sized sleepers and onsies.  Each of the children had also picked out a stuffed toy for her.  Julia’s brother got her a little girl with the words “My First Doll” written across it, and her sister brought a Winnie the Pooh with a blanket attached to the bottom of it.  Julia’s nursery (her half of what was once my bedroom) was decorated with Pooh Bears everywhere, and I was delighted that her big sister had remembered that this was what I had chosen.  Her father had been against the bear décor from the first time I had mentioned it.  I never understood this and probably never will.

                When Julia was around three months old, I asked her pediatrician if she could start sleeping with a stuffed animal.  I was elated when she said yes.  I felt that it would help her transition back and forth between the two houses.  At the time, she went with her father from nine in the morning until four in the afternoon twice per week with roughly two to four days of mornings from nine to eleven.  I wanted her to have a familiar face, even if it was that of a stuffed animal.  The bear began going back and forth.  It never left her side, and she became very attached to him.  “Pooh” was actually one of her first words.

                I began searching for a secondary bear in case a need for replacement came about, but failed at all attempts.  There were many similar ones on the market, but they were all too different for Julia not to notice.  I gave up looking since there had been no incident. Pooh Pooh went to daycare and Daddy’s house and always came back, because Julia almost always had him or would remember to go get him before leaving.

 Fast forward to just a few months before her second birthday.  The week of Thanksgiving had arrived.  We went to my parents for dinner and stopped by with my in-laws.  We left and headed to a few stores that were open early for Black Friday shopping.  Poor Julia was falling asleep in the cart as we were leaving the final store, but her little lovey was still in hand.  Her father came to get her early the next morning.  When I picked her up a few days later, she didn’t come outside with her bear tucked under her arm per the norm. 

I asked her where he was, and Julia looked down at the ground with her arms crossed.  I looked to her father, who stated under his breath that, “We lost him Black Friday shopping.”  He retrieved a similar bear of a different color.  I asked if he had any clue where it was, and his reply was that he had already called everywhere. 

“Well, give me a list.  I’ll call again and once more in a few days,” I pleaded, but he refused for whatever reason he had, which I probably will never really know the answer to.  My best guess is that they were either at some point in a store that would be inappropriate for a toddler or were at some slut’s “friend’s” house. 

When we got in the car and started down the road, Julia suddenly cried out, “Mommy lost Pooh Pooh!”  I asked her who told her that.  “Daddy,” came the little sobs from the backseat. 

The last picture we have of original Pooh Pooh who
had just received a bath that morning but needed
another due to blue nail polish.

I couldn’t handle it anymore.  I had held myself in the most mature way possible up until that point, but I called my mom practically hysterical about the incident and how my child now thought that I was solely responsible for the disappearance of Pooh Pooh.  I picture my mother whipping out her laptop like a gunman going for a quick drawl like in the old western movies.  She looked on the websites of every nearby store to see if there was a bear close enough in similarity.  No such luck, until Eureka!  An eBay posting popped up in a Google shopping search.  Julia’s original Pooh Pooh probably cost fewer than ten dollars.  The new bear cost almost thirty with shipping, but Grammy wanted to be superhero for the day.

Once we knew that a bear was indeed coming within a week, I assured Julia that Pooh Pooh was just having a sleepover at Grammy and Pappy’s house.  He went away for a makeover and would be waiting for her the next time we visited them.  Mom even brought her a picture she had printed out from the eBay listing for Julia to carry around until the package came.  She asked for him at night the worst, so I had to tape the picture to her nightstand.  Finally the day came when they were reunited.  So far, this is the longest I have seen my daughter speechless.  She just held him and stared as though she couldn’t believe he was really still alive and well.  Now, Pooh Pooh stays at Mommy’s house.  I told her that he needs to hibernate. 

Loveys can provide a lot of comfort

I would recommend a few tips to anyone who wants their child to use a lovey.  First, always consult with your pediatrician.  SIDS is a very big concern with loveys.  You should take their advice on what age your child to be and what toys are suitable for your situation and for safety purposes.  Second, always have a backup before introducing your child to an item with the intent of making it a lovey.  Sometimes, even a third lovey wouldn’t be a bad idea, because you never know what could happen.  Switch them up every once in a while so that they all get a little bit of wear to them and have familiar scents transferred to them.  Third, before introducing a lovey in a situation similar to mine, you should sleep with the lovey yourself for a night or two before giving it to the child.  I know this sounds strange – adults sleeping with stuffed animals, but our pediatrician told me that this is a way to transfer your scent to the lovey.  The child can then smell your scent when they are not with you.  This can be helpful with daycare, visitation, or even if you just need to slip out to the grocery store for a bit and your little one is stuck at home with Dad.  Hopefully my story and these tips can help you when choosing to use a lovey for your little lovey. Feel free to comment any crazy stories about your own lovey mishaps.