What is Shared Parenting

What is Shared Parenting

            What is shared parenting, you ask?  When a couple with children divorce or separate, custody is traditionally given to one parent or the other.  Some states have turned to a “shared parenting” model, where both parents are given equal rights to major decisions in the child’s life, such as schooling, religion, health, and extracurricular activities.  In West Virginia, where I live, the standard is fifty-fifty custody, unless one parent is deemed unfit for caring for the child or the parents mutually decide otherwise.  Fifty-fifty custody is where the allocated time is split completely even down the middle.  Schedules can vary, but most are in a model where one parent has the child two nights consecutively, followed by two nights with the opposite parent.  Then there is a switch of five consecutive nights each.  The way this schedule is usually run, it guarantees that both parents have two weekends each per month.

            In this arrangement, both parents have equal say about virtually everything.  They have equal responsibility in caring for the child in every aspect.  Therefore, if you feel like you are doing all the work, you may consider asking your attorney about a different parenting plan.  Shared parenting also allows for shared financial responsibility.  Often one parent will solely provide medical insurance, but both parents are responsible evenly for co pays and deductibles.  This means that if the child needs braces, both parents must decide that this is the right decision for the child before going through with the procedure.  Then, they are equally responsible for paying for this.

shared parenting can sometimes be
frustrating, but hang in there

            Exactly what is shared parenting all about?  Shared parenting gives the child more opportunity to still have a traditional family in that both parents are collaborating to make choices that the child will follow, even though the parents are not living together.  Here are some examples of how this works.  Say the father of your son decides that he wants the child to play football, but you think that it is too dangerous of a sport.  You can bring up these concerns and suggest alternative sports to make a decision together.  If you cannot come to a conclusion, most court orders state that you will have to go to a mediation session.  If nothing is agreed upon at this session, you will then have to go back to court.  Following this method, many courts have seen a drop in such small cases, leaving more availability in court schedules for larger matters.

            The downside in shared custody is that many parents cannot afford to continue going to court for every little disagreement.  Depending on your situation, this can also cause many heated arguments.  Your best bet if this circumstance arises is to seek counseling.  Step back from the situation, and try not to let things escalate – especially in front of the child/children.  Ask your ex if they would be willing to sit down and share their feelings while considering yours.  Sometimes you may find that you were actually the one being inconsiderate of your ex.  Learning to live in a shared parenting situation is not always easy, but with time things will get better.  Hopefully, you will no longer be asking, “What is shared parenting,” and be able to decide if this is the right option for your family.