Single Mom Dating

            It is extremely hard being a single mom dating in this crazy world where being divorced or separated with children is still becoming more socially accepted.  My journey to marriage with a new man while raising my daughter was no easy feat.  There were many things to consider, like her age and how much she would remember, not letting compromising information leak out to her father, and finding someone who was not just right for myself but for both of us. 

            When I decided to begin dating again, I was faced with one of the biggest decisions: Do I allow my child to meet the person I am seeing?  My answer was yes.  I only dated men that were interested in commitment, and so these were not short flings.  Julia was  at an age where she did not understand “dating”.  She did understand what a friend was, and so that was what I always told her.  “Mommy is going out with her friend today.”  Also, it was a good way for me to see how the person would interact with my daughter.  On one date that I went on, I had my date pick me up at my house, so that the two of them could meet briefly.  He approached her too quickly, trying to shake her hand.  She was only one at the time, and had no idea what to do except get away from the stranger trying to hold her hand.  Needless to say, that was the only date I went on with him. 

Single Mom Dating

Julia's trip to the ER

When my fiancé, Patrick, first met her, we were supposed to have our first dinner date with Julia tagging along.  Unfortunately, Julia was running a fever and was very fussy.  Patrick put her in his lap and read to her.  They were warming up to each other quickly.  Later that night, we ended up going to the ER because Julia’s fever had spiked and would not go back down no matter what I did.  Patrick came right along with us and sat through hours of x-rays, IVs, and four failed attempts to draw blood.  Julia had drunk a good bit of the pedialyte that the nurses gave her and fall asleep.  I tried to have Patrick hold her, while I snuck out of the room for a bathroom break, but she woke up while we were transferring into Patrick’s lap.  I assured him I would be right back and sprinted for the bathroom.  I could hear Julia screaming all the way down the hall, so I rushed back to find Patrick covered in vomit.  He rinsed his shirt out in the sink and stayed with us.  After that night, I thought I would never see him again, but he never missed a beat.  We are getting married at the end of the summer.  Needless to say, seeing how a man will react with your child is important in my book.  It will test them to see if they are good father material.

There are many other challenges when a single mom dating has to deal with the other parent.  In my situation, there are a lot of custodial exchanges.  It was hard to plan dates around the times of pickups.  Julia’s father tries not to be obvious, but he is very nosy when it comes to who I am with.  The father of your child has every right to be curious about anyone that is around your children on a frequent basis, and rightfully so.  The first time I brought Patrick along for an exchange, I introduced them politely.  Julia’s father asked if he knew “so and so”, which to my surprise, he did.  Things like this can come up when you least expect it.

If there are things you would not want the other parent to know, then keep it hidden.  Do not go carelessly posting on your social networks that you are leaving the child with a babysitter so you can go out drinking with your new beau.  You have to keep your dating life professional looking from the outside at all times.  Do not date someone with a criminal past, unless they have gone about the correct means to right their behavior.  This will most likely be brought up in future court cases if the relationship may affect the child, so proceed with caution.

The most important thing to remember when you begin dating again, is that you are not just looking for someone for yourself.  You are now looking for someone that will be right for all of your children as well.  It may take time to find this special person, but when you do, the wait will be all worth it.  You will no longer be a single mom dating, but you will be a family.

Mini-me trying to copycat